This is the moment I fell in love with Bilbo. Because I understand this expression to the depths of my soul.
This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness
Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.
So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.
I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener.
So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are
and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.
because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.
Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.
The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.
fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck
Avengers Assemble 1x17 - Savages [x]
I WAS ALL SET TO BE MAD THAT THEY WERE MAKING THOR A BIG, DESTRUCTIVE, DUMB IDIOT.
HE’S JUST AN OBNOXIOUS DICK WHO THINKS IT’S FUNNY TO CALL LIGHTNING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW TO MAKE POPCORN AND TOTALLY WRECK ALL OF TONY’S SHIT.
AND THE HULK SUGGESTING THINGS TO DO NEXT. I LOST MY FUCKING SHIT AND I’M NOT SURE I’M EVER GETTING IT BACK NOW.
WHAT A COUPLE OF ASSSHOLES. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
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Look who’s got the best bookmark ?!
Someone please mass-produce these IMMEDIATELY. We really really need a Cumberbomb bookmark.
This is a beautiful thing.
when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors
Because everyone needs Tom Hiddleson saying “I love you, I always will” on their dashboard.
I write to make them listen. #poetry (Top photo credit: Jocelyn Ruiz)
and that is the inside of a lead case
guess who’s first pick